Mac is sorry for the brief hiatus, but has been quite busy assembling his own focus group of independents to contemplate and propose ‘standards of conduct expected in local councils’. He has finally managed to book the Dutch Bar in Soho for next week, which he felt was important for three reasons. Firstly it is on neutral ground. Secondly it was the centre of Dutch resistance during World War Two. Thirdly they serve plenty of bitterballen, which seemed quite appropriate to this discussion.
Mac had begun to circulate the topics to the group but unfortunately began the list with a response from one of his old friends to his last blog, “Does Thanet need a Birgitte Nyborg?” His friend had replied, rather bluntly Mac thought, “Screw Birgitte Nyborg, we need a Katniss Everdeen”. Katniss Everdeen is, as you will doubtless know, the heroine of the recent release “Hunger Games – Catching Fire”. Sadly the other would-be attendants then indulged in a round of online discussion about whether they would like to screw Ms Nyborg, totally disregarding the health and safety implications at their age, and also completely derailing any discussion about the rest of the points. Ms Everdeen, they thought, was far too young and in any case would be less impressed with their bus passes.
In the “Hunger Games” trilogy the people are treated with disdain and contempt by the ruling classes, which is one of the reasons Katniss reaches for her bow and arrows. Now you may well remember the theory aired this year that Robin Hood was actually from Kent and was one William of Kensham, so Kent has probably always been pretty good at this bow and arrow stuff. (Editor’s note – for older readers, Kensham is not where Horace Batchelor advertised his football pools on Radio Luxembourg, but a small hamlet near Sandhurst in the west of the county). To balance the argument, Mac has circulated some lists of impressive achievements by various random council leaders, although he is not sure that anything can match the list that includes a claim to have installed a new microphone system in the council chamber. He supposes that will mean that people can now stop yah-booing each other or getting involved in fisticuffs. That at least might improve public perception of local standards.
All of the focus group were born and bred in Thanet and some of them, against all the odds, still live there. Mac will be reporting back on his findings and will be also publishing them in Klingonese, as at least two of the national papers are warning of a significant influx of Klingons early in the New Year. Klingons, as Star Trek fans will be aware, do not marry non-Klingons, but fly their spouses in from outer space to wherever they currently reside. Vulcans do something similar. Neither of them are great advocates for integration but at least the Vulcans have lovely earlobes.
Mac has asked Santa this year if there was any chance of a ‘Buzz Lightyear’ Xmas – a sort of ‘to nativity and beyond’. You still get to keep the bright star, the lowly stable and the manger, but this time the infant is a girl. A baby Katniss. The wise men have brought a longbow and a full quiver of arrows. Forget the gold, frankincense and myrhh – they were always just for the donkeys and knobheads. That might just give us a future of tidings of comfort and joy, raising standards everywhere. So may your Xmas bring you everything you desire. But goodwill to all men? That’s a cracker.
Just one final thought. Apparently as a part of the tribute to Madiba, Santa will be attempting against the odds to deliver a gift of peace to every household in the universe this year. Just think on that. Peace down every chimney. Which if you were tempted to re-enact some of the ‘Catching Fire’ scenes as part of your Wii games, might be quite appropriate and just save the day.